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When I am present in a relationship, I am placing that person’s thoughts, prayers, feelings and needs ahead of my own.
Very often that is difficult, but I’ve found that if you are a good listener, the person you are listening to becomes a good listener too because they feel you care about them.
For example there may be a program on TV that I am very interested, and my wife just starts talking to me.
It used to drive me crazy and I would try to multi-process, BUT I’m a Guy and I don’t do that very well.
So, I’ve decided that my wife is far more important to me than some TV program. So, I just mute the TV, turn toward her and give her my full attention.
The positive results in this “totally focused” approach has been amazing in our relationship. She can actually FEEL that I have placed her number ONE in my life and she has told me that more than once.
Potential sources of being absent:
1 – distractions like social media
2 – avoiding; especially when there are hard situations or conversations to have
3 – not being responsive or taking action; i.e., good intentions with actions
4 – selfishness; spending too much time on yourself
5 – not engaged in the relationship due to being in hurt in the past